Giving it your all.

How do you know when you are giving parenting your all?

How do you know when you are successful?

Lately, while struggling with my depression and lack of motivation, I question myself, mostly as a person. That if I were trying hard enough that my results would be better.

Then my husband comes around and lets me know that it’s not just me. While he was deployed he would always tell me I need to do A when I did B…. now he reacts to situations the same way with the kids that I did. I can’t help but laugh.

The other day he said, “that kid is frustrating.” referring to our son. I just said, “I know.”, and started laughing.

Now our daughter is hitting her “terrible twos” and the deep tone screaming and angry faces are so funny it’s hard not to laugh or to take her seriously but we must mask our faces as not to encourage more of this behavior.

I keep thinking that if I were successful that my children would be sweet.

I keep thinking they would get along.

If I were successful, I would have daily struggles with school mornings, or evenings.

Some people make it all look so easy.

Damn those people.

I just…. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I know that for the negative or positive, no matter what I do I am shaping their lives… and it scares the living hell out of me.

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